President's Day

Given we just had a Valentine's Day party I voted against a President's Day party, but to no avail. I go to more parties in rehab than I do out of rehab.

Pat O'Brien showed up dressed as Abraham Lincoln. He had his beleaguered assistant, Alan, bring in the costume. Alan is African-American and Pat spent most of the time "freeing" him.

"Go! Be free! We'll let you know when the 40 acres and the mule arrive," he joked. "Not really, though, Alan. I'm just freeing you as a slave for fun. You're still my assistant.

Alan just stood there counting the minutes until he could leave.

When Flo showed up with her monkey assistant, Pat called over to her and pointing to Alan said, "Hey, 'Flo', look: I have my own monkey assistant too."

He's used that same joke 14 times now.

Later on, Pat O'Brien pulled me aside. "I'm not racist, am I?" he asked.

I told him I thought he had some issues around race he needed to work out.

"But I've partied with both Gumbels," he said. "That's got to count for something, right?"