Tuesday, February 12, 2008


It's hard not to look at "Flo" as anything other than an inspiration. Three years ago she was one of us, a heroin addict. She's been clean ever since. Now she's a live-in counselor. Pretty amazing for a woman stricken bounded for the rest of her life in a high-tech wheelchair thanks to Lou Gehrig's disease.

Her monkey assistant is still a negative, though. It often, without warning, will scurry over and hump your leg.

"You're lying," "Flo" will say to you through her electronic voice box thingy.

Apparently, her monkey assistant only humps you when you're not being honest with yourself and/or the group.

Yesterday during group that monkey humped Pat O'Brien like crazy.

"Okay, so maybe I wasn't an original member of Triumph," he admitted. "But I did some blow with them in Saskatoon once. "

The monkey stopped humping his leg when he said "Did some blow" but then went right back at it as soon as he uttered the word "Saskatoon."

"All right, all right," Pat O'Brien relented, clearly shaken. "I've never met anybody in Triumph. I only snorted some lines while watching one of their videos. I was naked, doing blow and eating cupcakes while watching their "Magic Power" video. Are you happy now? Are you happy now, monkey?!?"

We all waited to see if the monkey assistant would hump his leg; it didn't. Instead it just looked at Pat O'Brien like he was the most pathetic thing his little monkey assistant eyes had ever seen.

Group ended shortly thereafter.


Anonymous GlitterPoodle said...

god bless you monkey. (and Triumph)

7:41 AM  
Blogger Chez said...

I just can't thank you enough for this stuff.

9:02 AM  
Blogger Roxy said...

damn intelligent, that monkey assistant!

11:00 AM  
Anonymous The Kept Woman said...

Thank you. I so needed this. You're on my top feed now along with the Wall Street Journal).

I need one of those monkeys to aid in whether or not my two year-old is lying...

12:15 PM  
Blogger HEATHER said...

So did the monkey bury his face in his hands and cry?

12:29 PM  
Blogger Jesus said...

What type of 'electronic voice device thingy' was it? Was it a DynaVox?

1:31 PM  
Blogger ¿M? said...

This blog turned a boring day at home into an awesome, hilarious day at home. Thanks Adam.

1:40 PM  

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