American Idol

We spent our allotted television time going back and forth between watching American Idol and the election results. Pat O'Brien was disappointed it was the guys singing instead of the girls.

"I was all stoked to see Syesha and her Mercados," he said. "Black chicks dig me."

I could tell he was looking at me when he said this, as to show that his belief that black chicks dug him was further proof that he wasn't racist. I wouldn't return his gaze, though. Instead I just kept my eyes fixed on Jason Yeager murdering Moon River.

Later on when we heard that Obama had won Wisconsin, Pat O'Brien leapt to his feet. "Yes! My brother! Jive! Jive! Jive!"

We all just sat there, hoping he would soon stop. A couple minutes later he did.

"All right, I'm Audi-5000, peeps, " he said. "Gotta go masturbate. See ya!"

I'm pretty certain that masturbation line has earned him extra counseling time. I think that'd be a win/win for everyone.