Wednesday, April 27, 2005

My Relapse, Part III

I tried not to let the fact that we were riding in a stolen floral delivery van bother me. Instead, I decided to enjoy the freedom away from the rehab center while I could. Plus it was hard not to be excited about getting to see some world class kickboxing.

But after a while I noticed that the route Bobby Brown was taking was leading us away from where the arena was. Being polite, I asked him if he was taking a shortcut.

"No, man, I don't know any shortcut," he said.

"But the arena is in the other direction," I said.

"What arena?"

"The arena where the kickboxing bout is."



"Are you a homo?"

"No," I said.

"Ad-Rock," Pat O'Brien said, slapping me on my knee. "Gotta fess up to you, homes: we're not going to the kickboxing bout."

"We're not?" I asked.

"No, bro. Sorry."

"Kickboxing!" Whitney Houston cackled from the back row. "My Bobby is the best kickboxing man ever!" Her mouth was full of pita chips.

"I loves you, baby!" Bobby Brown yelled to her.

"I loves you, baby!" Whitney Houston yelled back.

"Where are we going, then?" I asked.

"The zoo," Pat O'Brien said.

"The zoo?"

"Yeah," Bobby Brown said. "I got a cousin who works the night shift there. It's good shit."

"Oh," I said.

"I wanna see the crocodiles!" Whitney Houston screamed.

"All right, baby, Bobby's gonna take you to see the crocs!" Bobby yelled back to her.

"Crocs are wack!" Pat O'Brien shouted.

"Crocs are wack!" Whitney Houston shouted.

"Crocs are wack!" They shouted in unison.


Blogger CosmoChica said...

Is it true that Pat O'Brien, indeed, left rehab????

6:43 AM  
Blogger SuperBee said...

This blog is better than night court and pita chips. I love you.

6:48 AM  
Blogger Ralph, the Dog said...


"Pat O'Brien, host of "The Insider" syndicated entertainment news magazine, has left an alcohol rehabilitation program and will be back at work next week."

8:20 AM  
Blogger Ralph, the Dog said...

Let's try that URL one more time:

Click Me For POB News!

8:22 AM  
Blogger Dad22 said...

Those news reports are all false. FALSE!!! Pat O. is staying in rehab 6 more months at least.

8:30 AM  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

no! pat can't leave!!

8:56 AM  
Blogger anangke said...

You know what's missing from this blog? Pats secret signs your into it. 1)wink 2)smile 3)say, "yes" and whatever else there was...oh he maybe adams been giving him the signals and didn't know what they meant. Adam Buddy never do the above three when in the presence of Pat O'Brien else he'll kidnap you in a Kabloom flower van and take you to the "zoo".

9:50 AM  
Blogger innommable said...

I can't wait to read what happens next!

4:09 AM  
Blogger Melina said...

this just might be the funniest blog I've ever read. Better than terri Shaivo's that's for sure!

4:20 AM  

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