Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Group was a disaster yesterday. "Tony" was in the middle of another endless story about his childhood dog when Joaquin Phoenix took a dump in his pants.

"Damn, Joaquin!" Whitney Houston complained. "That is soooo not Night Court."

"I'm sorry if I have offended you, Miss Houston," Joaquin Phoenix replied, "but if I am to play the role of an Inuit, I must live like an Inuit, and therefore, I must defecate in my pants like an Inuit."

"Well, you're one nasty-ass Eskimo!" Whitney Houston said.

"Inuit!" he answered. "Not Eskimo, Inuit. It's the more respectful term!"

I looked over to a trembling Pat O'Brien. He appeared to be a moment away from burying his face in his hands and crying. Then he signed something to me I didn't understand. I bet he's awful at charades. Eventually he gave up and screamed, "I hate Eskimos!"

"Not Eskimos!" Joaquin Phoenix shouted. "Inuit, you hate the Inuit!"

Sheryl Anne did her best to try and calm everybody down. She wore a sexy blue blouse and her skin was immaculate. Unfortunately, her efforts were to no avail.

"Nobody here understands what it's like to be serious about their craft!" Joaquin Phoenix said.

"My Bobby is serious about lovin' me!" Whitney Houston yelled.

"Your Bobby should have never left New Edition!" Joaquin Phoenix yelled back at her, his dirty face streaked with tears.

"Don't talk bad about my Bobby, Eskimo!"



Blogger Hoka-shay-honaqut said...

I think that the vikings called them "skraelings".

8:47 AM  
Blogger The Graduate said...


4:00 PM  

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