I would have updated sooner, but I lent Pat O'Brien my laptop. He said he had to answer some fan mail. I didn't believe him because, well, I'm not convinced he has fans, but I let him use it anyway. One of my goals is to be more generous, so here I was, being more generous.

Being more generous is overrated. He had the computer for, like, three hours. When I told him I needed to use it, he said, "Hold on a sec, did you know Terri Schiavo had a blog?"

I had not, but sure enough, there on the computer screen was a blog claiming to be Terri Schiavo's.

"I think it's really inspiring," Pat O'Brien said.

"I don't think it's real," I said. Fake blogs aren't really my thing, and this one in particular was in pretty bad taste.

"But look," Pat O'Brien said, "it's gotta be her. There aren't any words, just sounds written out -- the same kinds of sounds Terri Schiavo makes."

"Yeah, but I don't think --"

"Don't you GET it, bro!?! This PROVES she's not a veg-head! She can TYPE SOUNDS!"

"I really don't think that it's her --"

"Somebody has got to do something, bro! They've got to save her! This is her last cry for help! SHE MUST BE RE-TUBED!"

And then Pat O'Brien buried his face in his hands and cried.

Usually I just leave him be when he buries his face in his hands and cries, but my computer was still in his lap. So I had to wait it out.

He cried for seven and a half minutes.

When I finally got my computer back there were dozens of windows open and several new bookmarks to porn sites.

None of them were really my scene.